Epiphanies

Today was pretty intense for me, at least the first half of the day. I slept horribly and woke up later than I wanted to, thus sort of setting back my plans for today. I was grouchy, disconnected, hungry and frustrated at the lack of options in the home, and just generally overwhelmed, and in a hurry to boot. I managed to pack up several options for food (we were heading to the park with a friend) and as we were driving to town I felt that familiar urge to drive through for coffee.

I just sat with that feeling/urge, and noticed that I would often leave my house hungry, and would stop for coffee before actually eating- thus quenching that hunger and allowing me to not eat until even several hours later. Sometimes a second coffee would work for me again and I would just skip all food until it was dinner time. Far too often, dinner was my first meal of the day.

So today I thought, "Man, I'm tired and I want a coffee." I knew I hadn't eaten and I thought, if I still wanta  coffee AFTER I eat, I'll get one. Then came the food negotiations- what can I get to eat while I'm in town? For one thing, I get to spend a little money which is always fun (even accompanied by guilt), AND I get to eat something I shouldn't but I can defend it because I'm "starving".


I realized that I didn't want anything other than what was in the bag I prepared- hummus, veggies, peanut butter, carrots, corn chips and salsa. Not exactly a traditional brunch but I felt good eating food I'd prepared myself, sans preservatives or extra things. I drank water - it all felt so good. Not like "ooh, i just worked out and am feeling good about it", but like I had just eaten what I was craving and I knew it was also good for my body- and that I was not ignoring my body but really, really listening to it.